there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
