I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
