this boner is exhausting
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
