did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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