you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
