okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
