She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
