Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
