im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
