Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
