I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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