you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
