Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
