i already hear my dad disowning me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
