I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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