I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
