last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
