why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
