I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
