You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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