Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
