Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
