He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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