yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
