New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
