The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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