The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
