woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
