you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
