I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
