I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
