well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
