He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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