and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
