I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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