i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
