Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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