i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize