I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
