You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
