upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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