you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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