alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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