i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
