i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
