saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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