You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
