so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
