when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
