I'm so fucking centered right now
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
