I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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