well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize