Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
