u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
