Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
