i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
