i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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