so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
