a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
