He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
